Thursday, December 27, 2007

Empty Season

At some point in my life I feel that I have changed so much. One staggering example is this holiday season. The yuletide season for me has been slowly losing its "magic" since about 4 years ago. Each year, I get less and less excited about it, and the feeling of a "lost Christmas" is so disconcerting at best. I've tried to find that feeling of the holidays. I've tried so hard, doing so many things, but most of them were just temporary. Last year I caroled with a choir, and for a while it seemed to wake up that holiday cheer in me. But afterwards, it was quickly lost. This year I had no such activity. And as Christmas drew nearer, I just grew more melancholic. When Christmas Eve came, and finally Christmas Day, there was no excitement. No twinkling in my eye, no song in my heart. It felt just like any other day. And I'm greatly saddened by this loss of spirit.

What do I do about this emptiness? I can't live an empty-feeling life forever. And it gets worse every year - especially during this happy season. Something is missing in my life... a plan, a purpose, a dream, something...

I don't know what it is.
But I need to find it soon.