A tragedy...

It's very sad when you hear about a person dying. The recent Tsunami claimed many lives, and it is very sad; but they were people far away. Empty faces I never saw, or so I thought. Then I heard the news that one of ours was among the victims; an Atenean; a batchmate. That was closer to home; but I still didn't know the person. And then I received an email regarding services to be held at our school for her. And in the email was her picture. That picture changed everything. She wasn't just a name anymore. There was now a face to go with it.

I've seen her around. Sometimes I've wondered what her name was, as I do with every person I see. But I always tell myself that there would be time enough to learn of names and to meet new people. Apparently, it wasn't so. Today, I learned of her name - too late.

There are stories that tell of life's tenacity; human survival against unsurmountable odds. Spirit that will not fade. And then there are tragedies; of life lost so suddenly. An infinite future of possibilities snipped away in an instant. Life is so mysterious in these two aspects, when they are held side by side. One gives testament to Life's strength, and the other to it's fragility.

And this person's death is indeed a tragedy.

I've learned in high school a very important line from a book we read, "each man's life touches so many others." And now in college, I learned from my history teacher something quite similar, "every human life is infinitely valuable with infinite possibilities." And now that a life had been lost, a life that had certainly crossed mine, I wonder of possibilities that could have been. But there is just too much to limit with my words. Now, there is a feeling of loss for the possibilities that could have been. Now, a lot of things will never happen: I shall never get the chance to meet her, or talk to her, or even work with her in Celadon. She could have been a friend, and a lot of other things, for her friends and the world. But all these cannot happen anymore.

The truth is, there is nothing I can say here that would do her justice, for I never met her. I'm saddened by the loss of a possible friend, but I never knew her enough. What more of the ones that actually loved her, and cared for her? I cannot imagine the sense of loss they would be feeling now. But at least I share a little in their sorrow. That much I can offer. That is all I can offer.

Rest in peace Sharleen May Tan.

Post Christmas: Birth of a Self

This Christmas, I had been sick, so I didn't really get to do much of anything. I woke up at around 11:00, had lunch, went back to sleep at around 1:00, woke up again at 6:00 ate dinner, and slept at 12:00. All in all, I was just awake for 8 hours. My Christmas was just 8 hours long. If that isn't a loss..., well nevermind.

I'm getting somewhat better now. No more fever at least. Hope to be nice and healthy before the new year arrives. I wouldn't want to start the year feeling miserable - I'm miserable enough as it is throughout the year. And I don't want to start feeling miserable that early.

From this point on, I'm gonna create an alter-ego. It seems that my mood swings wildly sometimes and I've been having trouble reigning it in, so I might as well do what I can to help myself. In order to balance the pessimistic views I usually have about life, I'm going to create a personality that is much more optimistic than I usually am. I'll call him Gerard. And from now on, every post will have a signature from either one of us. Might make some more "people" later, but for now, two of us should be enough.

-Michael

Cheer up! Life is what you make of it. I'll try my best to balance out everything. You can't always worry about the bad stuff; if you do, then you won't notice when the good ones do arrive.
-Gerard

Christmas day, December 25, 2004

Well, its finally Christmas. Unfortunately, I'm sick.

Christmas. What's special about it? Its just one day... This year, I seem to have lost all my Christmas spirit. I don't even know the reason why. Apparently, there isn't much going on for me this season. Maybe I'm just depressed over something I have no idea of. Anyway, that's my opinion. No use dampening the spirits of everyone else.

In light of "Christmas," I'd like to greet everyone a very merry christmas. I hope you all enjoy it more than I'm enjoying it. I wish you all good health and a relaxing break from everyday stresses.

And finally, I'd like to wish three people apart from others a merry christmas. This greeting that I address to them is special because they're never gonna get it personally. Well, Merry Christmas R..., N... & L.... I hope you all have a great Christmas.

Christmas party

Last night, I went to the Celadon Christmas party somewhere in Pasig. It was on the third floor beside a pool and two buildings, all planted on a single two-floor structure. I had hoped it would be on the highest floor again so that I could get some wind on the outside deck or something... on the positive side, at least the elevator ride wasn't that long.

I sort of enjoyed the christmas party last year a bit more. Probably because there were more people back then. But it was still ok. It seems that as I get older, I'm not so easliy amused anymore. Things that used to make me smile before, now hardly elicits any response. Just like the party, maybe. But its the same with christmas in general too. And the new year. I'm not really looking forward to it as enthusiastically as before. Why is that?

Back to the christmas party.

Well, the party itself ended a bit early. I estimated earlier that it would end sometime after midnight, but apparently not. By 11:00 or so, it was over. sigh. A lot of things seem to be like that these days - they last long enough. Like candy for instance; one moment they're there, the next moment, they're gone. hehehe.

But seriously, things are indeed changing. The christmas party, the new year, factors for happiness, the amount of candy on the table... makes you wonder which one is next. Might just wake up one day and realize: nothing is familiar anymore.

I don't know how to put links in my blog.
*drat!*

That reminds me, I don't know how to do a lot of things. Makes me wonder sometimes how I get through life.

How do I manage to go through life anyway?

Another question without an evident answer...

Islands

It seems that people are indeed island - a world unto their own. And friendships are but bridges between them. That could explain why some people can't become friends - they're just too far apart, worlds apart. But even if they weren't, they have to be both willing to bridge their gap. Both will have to start building from their own side to set up a good foundation and meet halfway. If only one did the building, it wouldn't matter how strong one's foundation is - one would still not be able to reach the other side before the bridged collapsed.

Bridges are too narrow and flimsy to connect two different worlds. That's probably why even friends cannot be on the same level plane most of the time.

Different worlds. Different islands. Different views. Different cultures. Different people... I truly am alone.

In deep thought... 

Bits and pieces I

Christmas is just a few days away. But why is it that it doesn't feel like Christmas season yet? There is something that makes Christmas, Christmas - and its not here yet.

Yesterday, I managed to sleep at 6:00am because of a CS project. That's the latest I've slept on a school day. Now, its already 2:30am and I'm still awake. But I'm also very tired already.

My birthday's coming up soon, and then I'll be 20. That would mean that 20 years of my life have already gone by. If I were to live until I'm 80, that's already 1/4 of my life. What did I get out of those 20 years? It would be a pity if I didn't get anything from those 20 years.

I wonder what my life holds 20 years from now? What kind of person will I be then? What kind of person am I now? Will I have done anything for the good of Humanity? Or will I be just another faceless person in a river of people, slowly flowing towards an unknown sea of countless lives?

Bits and pieces make up a jigsaw puzzle. Some won't fit together, but in due time, a picture will be built. And no piece will be wasted.

Time to search for more...

Question...

What would you say to someone who thinks that he or she has already enough friends that it wouldn't really matter if you were included among them or not?

How long do you need to know someone to justify to yourself of their worth? Is one week enough time? Or one month? Or one year? Is there ever enough time? I once heard that there are no sure things in life besides change and death. If that is the case, then one cannot possibly ascertain the value of a person no matter how long one knows the person.

For me, there is nothing more sad than being denied friendship simply because the other person cannot find a reason for friendship. Isn't friendship itself reason enough for friendship among people?