sigh day

Life is Like a Boat
Rei Fu

Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day

***
Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

***
And every time I see your face
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong

***
And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore

think of me

Think of me, think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while --
please promise me you'll try.

When you find that,
once again, you long
to take your heart back
and be free --
if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me ...

***

Think of all the things
we've shared and seen -
don't think about the things
which might have been ...

Think of me,
think of me waking,
silent and resigned.

Imagine me,
trying too hard
to put you from my mind.

Recall those days,
look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do --
there will never be a day,
when I won't think of you ...

Day After Christmas

Ok, so it's the day after Christmas. I survived another one. Somehow, Christmas gets a little bit harder to survive each year. It seems like every year, the Spirit just lessens more and more. And this year was a special one too, a much colder Christmas. Especially after everything I went through so close to the season. Sometimes just laughing all about it is the only way not to cry. If this was the season to be merry, then why am I not happy? Hey, maybe it's just because of who I am. That might be true. But there has got to be a deeper explanation for feeling hollow on special days like this.

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all

Maybe this Christmas was what I needed. A time to feel so lonely so that maybe, just maybe, when the new year arrives. I'd be more grateful for the year that passed. It was a memorable year, that's true. But sad events can be memorable too, maybe more so than the happy ones...

It's the day before Christmas.

Things should be looking up, right? Unfortunately, not really. Christmas for me has always been something different. It wasn't like this all the time, it used to be fun and happy. But every year, it just seems less and less magical. If ever there was something about Christmas that I enjoyed, it's singing with my friends in the choir. That's the closest I remember to the Christmas feeling I used to feel. But last night was our last performance night, and with it the feeling of cheer has gone. Now begins the Christmas that I usually have. Funny. Spreading the Christmas cheer to the people we sing for has been the only time I felt it at all. Funny indeed, and quite ironic.

I've only had one wish this Christmas, but it's not likely to happen. What a way to end December, what a way to end the year. When everything had to happen like this, losing a bestfriend and losing more than that. Last Christmas before I graduate. Another year past. I only have one wish this Christmas, and maybe it's just asking too much.

Merry Christmas. I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Christmas Blues

I don't like this season. Every year during this time, an unsettling feeling washes over me. Every year without fail, I come face to face with a feeling of heaviness. Christmas is the one time during the year that it becomes painfully evident what my life has become.

Unlike any other season, Christmas is the one that's most ironic for me. A season of hope and joy, of giving and loving... yet my life is a staggering opposite. Especially now. This particular December is one I will always remember. Not because it is happy, but because this month has taught me a lot of lessons, some of which are breaking me apart to learn. I need to learn. It's tearing me inside.