Is it all just make-believe?

Illusions fade after a while. That's just how it goes. Some fade quickly while some linger on for a bit. But in the end, they're all still illusions waiting to shatter. Perhaps the most convincing of these illusions are the ones I make myself, to fool myself into thinking of something that has so little chance of ever becoming reality. Illusions ease the pain. It's like playing pretend. And it seems innocent enough at first..

And before you know it, your entire world revolves around an illusion - a star without any warmth. It seems to shine, but it's as cold as ice. And no amount of warmth will ever emanate from it. In the infinite cold, you realize that your star was nothing more than a simulacrum.

But we still hold on to these smoke and mirrors. We hold on because it gives us a chance to see, to feel, to have what we otherwise cannot. Though the reality of it is that it is nothing more than a trick of the mind we ourselves have created.

The human ego is so delicate. When an illusion shatters, there is a chance that the ego might shatter with it as well. A sort of awakening to the sad realities of life, the climax of a story told countless times. And the denouement is never easy to swallow - just like glass shards from a shattered dream.

The number one driving force for living things is that of survival. Threats to existence is always met with resistance of the highest level. But threats need not be physical. There is also an aspect to threats of this level in other forms, spiritual, emotional, metaphysical; what we cannot explain, what we cannot quantify.

Distance will have to be established, ties will have to be trimmed, and I might just survive. I'm sorry. The culling needs to begin.

Seems Like My Song

The Trouble with Love Is
Kelly Clarkson

Love can be a many splendid thing
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses
Diamond rings
Dreams for sale
And fairy tales
It’ll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind
It’ll fool you every time

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger then your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn’t care how fast you fall
And you can’t refuse the call
See you’ve got no say at all

Now I was a once a fool it’s true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world’s a deeper blue
I’m sadder but I’m wiser too
I swore I’d never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn’t worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger then your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn’t care how fast you fall
And you can’t refuse the call
See you’ve got no say at all

Every time I turn around
I think I’ve got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin
And I keep on fallin
Over and over again
This set story always ends the same
Me standin in the pouring rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
It's in your heart it's in your soul
(It doesn’t care how fast you fall) You're losing all control
(And you can’t refuse the call)
See you’ve got no say at all
The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie..

A Conversation

Something made me look back to some key events that happened a while back; events that had a big part in who I am right now. Yet despite their importance to me, not much have been preserved in terms of sharp memories. All that's really left is a tableau frozen in my mind, clippings of what I felt during the time - just mere ideas of feelings. And I feel somewhat silly because of those. Perhaps this is how people mature. What I had considered overshadowing my life then is now a mere wisp of a specter compared to the shadows that loom over my existence today. Times do change.. and in a way, so do people. There is an essence that remains that clearly defines who they are, but everything is subject to the whims of time.

I wonder, in the near future, what else would change. When I eventually look back to this exact time, what would I say to myself? Perhaps I'll just be laughing at myself for how much I let myself get carried away. But perhaps too I'll be seeing how much I have changed since.