A familiar dream

It seems like I've been here before, this hazy dream of mine. It all seems so familiar.. and yet there are aspects I find alien to me as well. I'm walking this path that's constantly shifting, and yet my feet remember these same steps I took at another time, another reality. I'm living in this dream, as before, in another dream, and another awakening. It might end in the next moment, or farther still, and then again it may not be a dream anymore. Reality is so confusing now. What is dream, what is real? Both have pain all the same. Pain from a dream haunts the awakening, and pain from reality permeates in dream. In the end, what is reality but an overlapping of dreams - dreams of hope, of fear, of sadness, of joys; dreams that will come and go until you discover your life to be one big dream - then comes a rude awakening.

Wasting Time

This past week has been.. hectic, and next week promises to be as heavy as well. But despite of this, I've still had time to do things I enjoy. Like thinking. Well, it's not that I enjoy that so much, it's just very familiar to me since I do it quite often before - deep thought that is. Most of the time, it's the daily things that make me think, but sometimes, it's the rare events or not-so-commonplace things that trigger brain activity.

One such instance is when my philo teacher mentioned that when we make friends or when we hang around other people, we waste time. He said that wasting time with others is how you make friends with them. (then someone remarked that "you're a waste of time." should then be considered a compliment. hehe) As for me, I'd have to agree, but there's one thing I'd like to clarify about it. I don't consider it a waste of time. It's like this: everyone has time, and limited time at that. We get it when we're born and it continues to diminish as we live through life. And there's no adding to it. Some get more time than others, but basically the moment you're born, you start using it. You can't save time. With this in mind, whatever we do, we "pay" for it using our time. So really, whatever we do, time gets used up. And for me, I don't consider it a waste when you use it up for friends. Perhaps that's just me and what I consider worthwhile. So I'd have to disagree with it being a "waste of time" since there are other activities far less deserving. Wait, let me rephrase that. There aren't a lot of activities more deserving. Hehe.

In the end, it all depends on our perspective (again). Do you consider making friends wasting time? Our priorities are based on how much we're willing to spend this valuable commodity. After all, there aren't any refunds available, no interest nor loans, and you can't acquire more for all the money in the world.

So take it as a compliment when someone tells you that you're a waste of time. Hehe. That just means someone was willing to "waste" time on you. Hahaha.

Catching up..

Sometimes, life just seem to pass by so quickly. That's what I've been feeling recently. I can't seem to find the time, nor the words, to update this blog of mine. Even now I'm still grappling with the proper words and organizing thoughts. I would've put it off for a later day, but if I don't ever start, what can I hope to finish?

On with the recent events. I now understand how people come to detest accounting. It's so very technical. Plus I'm stuck with a 3-hour class every Saturday. I wouldn't have mind an MFW class, I'd even welcome it. It just seems that my mind can only focus so much on the first hour of class, leaving it to wander about for the remaining two hours. I just got back the results of the first LT on it too. Let's just say I got what I studied for, so I'm not too sad about it. Have to exert more effort though on the subsequent tests.

In other news (hehe), I have a feeling that I'm going to be very, very busy. Schoolwork is heavy enough, but to have 5 orgs as well?? So that's where all my time have been going.. sheesh.

Moving on.. there are a few things that're irritating me right now. I won't bother with the details though, it's not that big of a deal. There's also a lot of stress and pressure on performing my best in the things I do. That's one source of irritation I can blabber about - my laziness. Have to work on that bit.

But things aren't all bad. Good things do come too, though I'm still waiting for when it arrives, hehe. Seriously though, if nothing good ever happened, I doubt I'd still be able to live through the daily grind. I'm not really picky. As long as it makes me smile, or think a bit about something pleasant, or gives me a sense of.. I can't explain this.. fuzziness inside.. I'm glad for all those little things. They do make things a lot easier.

Currently, nothing much. Still looking for a focus. A few new secrets here and there that I don't plan on telling anyone anytime soon. (My secrets, mind you. I don't ever divulge the secrets of others;p) Pleasant secrets, and a few not-so-happy ones.

That's it for now. I'll leave with a few thoughts:
What happens now is a result of the actions and events of the past. If somehow the past could be changed, would you even dare change it knowing that what you have now may cease to exist just so you can change a few things that screwed up? To rephrase the question, is the possibility of a certain outcome worth more than the certainty of a given present?

Derailed

It's not fun getting used. I really don't mind though, just not too often. I guess it's inherent in people to do such things, though some have more control of what they do than others.

There are a few things I've discovered while living this life of mine. One is that it's quite easy to get disappointed. Disappointment is always there; everytime we hope, everytime we try, everytime we act. You can't help not getting disappointed, especially when there's so much on the line. I've had a few of my worlds shattered already, and it isn't funny when something suddenly pulls the ground from beneath you.

In philo class we ask the meaning of existence. Why do we exist? Why do we do the things we do? Why? And it bothers me so much that I can't even give an answer that somehow even partially justifies my actions. I'm stumped. Whenever I think I know the answer, it turns out to be incorrect. A lot of those answers seem right, and yet they don't have substance. I'll continue searching though.. there are just so many unformed questions in my mind that need answering, so many events that need explaining, so many things that need understanding..

How much value do you put on the things you have?

I often forget this very important question. It's not really all about material things, but of everything I consider valuable. Value is something we all give differently, and that would mean each one values things differently.

I often forget the value I put on things - how much they're worth to me. And it's sad when fate reminds you of it by taking it away, or messing it up. That is very unfortunate, but it happens very often. I value too many things, but because they're too many, I sometimes forget that they have value. That's the problem, the more you have, the easier it is to neglect individual things that don't interest you for the moment.. it's harder to hold the more things you have.

For whatever I've done, I'm sorry. Losing things is not a good way to realize their importance. By then it might be too late to get them back.