Songs of memory

For some strange reason, I keep remembering this song:

Halaga
Parokya ni Edgar

Umiiyak ka na naman, langya talaga wala ka bang ibang alam; namumugtong mga mata, kailan pa ba kaya ikaw mag sasawa.. sa pag tiyaga mo dyan sa bf mong tanga na wala nang ginawa kundi ang paluhain ka..

Sa libu-libung pagkakataon na tayo'y magkasama, iilang ulit pa lang kitang nakitang masaya naiinis akong isipin na ginaganyan ka niya. Siguro ay hindi niya lang alam ang
iyong tunay na halaga......

Minsan hindi ko maintindihan, parang ang buhay natin ay napagtitripan. Medyo malabo yata ang mundo.. binabasura ng iba ang siyang pinapangarap ko..

There's something about the sentiment of the song that resonates with my soul. I'm not saying that there's a real-life counterpart to it that I know. It's just that.. anyway, music and songs have a unique way of transporting us to places we've been to, feelings we've felt, experiences we've encountered, even if all those happened lifetimes ago. There's something in music, maybe the wavelength or wave patterns, that match harmoniously with those of certain memories. The result - we are instantly transported to that time, that place, that event. And it doesn't help that some songs are so frustratingly easy to get LSS at..

For me, I've got quite a collection of songs that hold particular meaning. Not in the sense that I can tell what they are when asked, but more of the type that triggers memories. Unfortunately, a large amount are not very fond memories.. but I do like to listen to those songs now and then, even if it's just to re-live the brief happiness before the day turned into night and the darkness swallowed my hopes. And in that one moment when I remember being happy before happiness was torn out from under me, I feel alive again. That I'm still here now stands as testiment to how I had survived those ordeals. They won't be forgotten, not as long as music plays in my heart and mind.

We are only people, you and I. But we are also human.

A thousand grains of sand.. or a rock

I feel like things are slipping by me. It's frightening when that sort of thing happens. It's like I don't have enough time to do everything that I need to do. Why is that? Do I try to do too much? I try to keep control whenever I can, but some things are out of my hands. Like now. I can't even tell what's wrong - I just feel that something is. You see, when things go wrong, there's no earth-shattering explosion, no heavenly sign, nor fireballs raining to the ground.. none of those that mark impending doom. Everything is as it were, except that something is amiss. What goes wrong are the small things. And they have a tendency to add up. They creep up on you and accumulate. And then in a mass of trouble, they collapse. And you start feeling that chaotic feeling, that everything is spiraling out of normality. That chaos theory really does exist, and you're gonna find out first-hand what it can do.

In the end, it's not the big things that I'm truly afraid of. Sure, they can prove to be troubling too. But the small things are the ones you don't expect. A feeling of mistrust here, a tiny gossip there, a minor let-down, a promise broken, a lack of time, a forgotten hello - these are small things that are often overlooked, or that lacking in significance. What's one little thing I didn't do? I'll do it some other time. And then it piles up..

It's the big things that we consciously remember; but it's the small things that we unconsciously take into ourselves.

Matters of Logic

There's a reason why the brain is placed higher than the heart. It's because if the heart reigned over a person, there would be no end to troubles. But sometimes the pounding can make deaf the ears to the reasoning of the brain. And even though the thinking brain is set higher than the primitive one, there are times when the latter exerts its dominance by seniority over the former. And what do you do then? Things aren't simple.

Things are never simple.
This is just a phase.. hay nako!

My turn..

Leave a comment here and...
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

Balance by a Thread

I must admit, life does get complicated with or without any effort. A lot of things seem to "just happen" every now and then. Although I do know that nothing ever "just happens", but they definitely seem to. And then what do you do when they do? Me? I'd like to control the situation as much as possible. I don't feel comfortable when things snowball downhill. But not all situations require manipulation.. some can just be left to happen. But there are a few important ones. That's that for now.

I just saw Narnia yesterday. Frankly, I had expected it to be better. It just seemed.. rushed. I don't know. But it had been a good day. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough of an escape. It would be wonderful to have a closet like that of my own. So I can just escape to my own little world whenever I feel like it and get lost in my dreams. If I ever have time to think about everything I'm trying to avoid thinking of, I'm going to go insane. Too many things to worry about, too many questions of why, to many mysteries to solve, too many things to sort out, too many of everything. Hmm, I'm being vague again. I can't help it. The moment I speak clearly of my situation, that will be the time when I have nothing left to worry about.. or I don't care enough to worry anymore.

2006

What can I say? Another year has passed. And as each year passes by, I sometimes wonder whether the things that happened were meant to happen. Surely not everything.. but then again, there's no way of telling.

As I watched the fireworks go off in my own corner of the sky, I couldn't help but feel.. heavy inside. Not from burdens or problems, but from sheer emotions. It seems like everything from the past year came flooding back to me as each rocket died in a spectacular display of light. Each flash, each sparkle, each note in the staccatto of sound brought back a deluge from the past. And as moments ticked away, emotions piled up. And then, as the clock struck 12, the heaviness vanished. Although the feelings and memories were still there, they already seemed part of the unchangeable past. And there's nothing that can be done.

In the early hours of 2006, a few more thoughts come to mind. I've learned of some things that are quite difficult to take right now.. But I guess I'll cope, as I always have.