Saturday, May 06, 2006

Point of Insanity

I've been on this road before, and it's not the last time I'll be walking on it again.

Sometimes, it drives a mind insane when you have to think about something, or someone, so much. Thinking is good, don't get me wrong. But is there a method to the madness to think of the smallest things, the tiniest of details, for fear of missing a point? I know. I remember. There were days when I couldn't think of any other thing except for the few words that she had so casually uttered- so carelessly let fly. It's insanity. It's insanity to try dissecting every little bit of what she said in a message.. was the first letter capitalized? Was there a smiley face at the end? How many? Did it end in elipses? What was she saying before she said goodnight? Was it just 'gnyt'? Or 'nyt'? Or was it the whole word?...

Believe me, that's insanity right there. I've been through it. And I'm not betting that I won't go through it again.. I'd just lose. They say that being in-love and being insane are not at all different, when they register in the brain. And perhaps love does bring a certain insanity about. Isn't it insane when a person's entire happiness lies on the actions of another single person? Isn't it insane when you can hear voices in your head telling you things coming from your heart? Isn't it insane when you actually believe that your heart is breaking? Or when you believe that you can fly? Or that the whole world is shattering? Or that you can't think of anything else besides her? Or that, just being with her brings about a period of such mania that leads to a high? Or when you think something bad happened, the mania is suddenly replaced by a very long depression curable only by her? Isn't it insane to feel that without her, there's no point to life? Tell me.. isn't that insanity?

"It is, I think, that we are all so alone in what lies deepest in our souls, so unable to find the words, and perhaps the courage to speak with unlocked hearts, that we don't know at all that it is the same with others."

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