Early Resolution

It dawned on me that a lot of things need fixing. First and foremost is my perception of things. Why am I so pessimistic? No matter how crappy my own little world gets, it will still be my own crappy little world. I'm the only one that has to live in it. So I have to make changes that will reduce its crappiness a bit, for my own sake. For one thing, I easily let outside factors govern my mood.. that shouldn't be, right? I mean I can't really control how I'll feel about events right then and there, but I can reduce their effects on me, I think. Yeah, I think that's possible. It will be hard, I know. It's all too easy to slip back to old habits that have become comfort zones. Change isn't always easy, but I have to want to change in order to keep up the effort. For now I'll just start out small. Hmm, here we go:

I shouldn't set my expectations too high.
Let's face it, to rely on others for happiness and comfort is to rely on air for support. Time and again, people will let you down. I'm not saying that I shouldn't trust anyone, just that I should rely on myself more. At the end of the day, when you close your eyes and feelings of regret fill you inside, you alone would have to deal with it. There won't be anyone there helping you out.

I have to find my identity.
It's easy to lose myself in others. And sometimes it just goes overboard. I have this attachment "problem" wherein it's easy for me to attach myself to others. That's why I'm so sensitive to feeling "the drift." Because the slightest shift in the current tears me away from who I thought I was. My identity is so strongly tied to others that when those people are somehow "missing" or "absent," I don't know who I am anymore.

I am not worth nothing.
This has got to be the source of all my negativity. I just find it difficult to see myself as amounting to something. Logically, I am a person with infinite potential, and therefore, infinite worth (just like everyone else). But emotionally, I don't feel that "expensive." Maybe it started long, long ago. But what I do know is that I always find it convenient to use that reason whenever other people "neglect" my worth - maybe not on purpose. So, it just affirms itself with every instance. I know I have to get out of that loop.

There, just three for now, but they are by no means easy. It will take time, but the change has to happen. If it doesn't.. I don't even want to think about it anymore. I have to do this for myself. Just three things for now. The rest will follow.

Goodluck! I can do this!