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There are days when I don't quite feel like myself, as if something is different, as if something has changed. It feels strange. Sometimes. Usually I'd be more detached than normal. As if staring into space is something natural to me (well, it is, sometimes.) And then I drift into a partially melancholic and stoic state where daily things don't really matter. I manage to channel off everything, even pain. Maybe this is a defense mechanism of some sort, something I learned in psy101. Whatever it is, it's a welcome moment of not worrying about anything at all, even life.
Then, when I shift out of that state, everything comes rushing back in. The emotions, the thoughts, the fears, the problems, the stress... a torrent on the verge of crushing me. I like that sometimes. It makes me feel alive when all those emotions come flooding back. And then the tide subsides, and all I have left is the longing for the next painful memory to come rushing back in, just so to break the monotony of my existence.