Final pages to a Chapter

I don't really understand it anymore. Sobra na ang stress levels ko.

First day of classes na tomorrow, of my final year here in school. And thinking about it just drags me down. Change is never easy. I've been a student all my life, and kahit na then I've found it stressful when I'm about to graduate to another level in education; from gradeschool to highschool, highschool to college. And now, my biggest transition ever - college to life. I wonder how I'll adapt to that change.

When I look back, I've seen myself change too. Back in gradeschool, I had become quiet and reserved because of my "environment" And up until highschool, that was how people knew me. In the later years of highschool, I started to emerge from my shell, so to speak, but those were small steps. When I got into college, well, everything changed, and yet still somehow stayed the same. To be honest, I'm still very much reserved for the most part. And a lot of people I think can attest to that. But for those who knew me from before, I think they'd say that I've made a lot of progress "humanizing" myself. Thinking about what I've gone through, what I've done, what I'm doing now, I still can't quite believe it sometimes that it was me and not some other person. I've changed, and I never imagined all of these back when I was still in my early years in highschool.

I've met a lot of people along the way too. And from them I've learned a lot of lessons about myself and life in general. Every encounter I had, there was something to be grasped at.. even though some had been the toughest events I've had to face in my life. I've watched myself grow, and I've watched as the world I knew crumble before my eyes. I've rebuilt, only to have it fall again. And yet I've always managed to pick up the broken pieces and start over. I've lost so much in the process of learning; some dreams will never visit me again; some hopes will never be more than mere memories I can vaguely recall. I've learned in philosophy that when two entities meet, both are changed by each other. Something is gained, something is lost, something is altered, but one will never ever walk away unscathed.

And when I think about all these things I've gone through, and that very soon they'll all be just memories of a previous age of my life, I can't help but feel that I've lost something. A part of me. A fragment of my dream. A feather from wings.

Shucks, emo na nga, senti pa.