Numb

Sablay nanaman..

When you've lived a life full of disappointments and pain, you begin to feel numb to it. Disappointments aren't so hard to swallow; pain isn't so difficult to ignore. And the future turns into a bleak vision of an endless river of suffering. What's one more disappointment? What's one more failure? What's one more stab at the core when you've faced countless ones before?

Some say each experience is unique, bringing with it it's own blend of feelings. But those are just the first few ones. Once you look back after a couple more instances, all you can remember is the collective hurt - all those feelings generalized into one convenient emotional scar, a constant source of remembered pain. It's something that needs to be constantly refilled with new agonies and let-downs, lest they gently fade away and take with them the protection of the numbness they bring.

Numbness can indeed dampen the sharpness of negative events. But it also diminishes the feeling of positive ones as well. It's like a wall that indiscriminately protects our emotional core, a scab that covers the wound. And yet the reduced sensation of anything might make us.. cold, distant, remote.. devoid of emotion.

There has to be a balance somewhere.