Bahala na

I've often thought of what I could've done different in life. Could I have done this or that; have I been fair or cruel; was I truthful, did I do my best. These questions often haunt me especially when faced with challenges. Would I be in this position had I done what I did, or didn't do?

That was something I had written a few days ago. Much has changed since just last sem. And some things will never be the same again. The topics in philo and theo are also coalescing into something big, something I think is significant. Faced with something I can only describe as harsh, in a sense, is quite disarming. I had never thought of it that way. I'm being vague now because everything else is vague too. The talks about conscience, fate, historicity, love, the mind, all of them are difficult to grasp all at once. But something is happening, that much I can say. My theo teacher, Dacanay, may be considered a "terror" professor because of his style, but there's no arguing how good he is at getting at the point.

Going back to what I had written, some thoughts had entered my mind. I had written them down here and there, but no clear, whole idea was formed...
When people say "bahala na" when faced with a decision or a path, what does that imply? At first I thought that it meant just accepting whatever will happen. It is. But there's also more to it. It also means resigning responsibility for the future, trying to forgo a decision. In a way, "bahala na" means a lack of interest or commitment. Its as if you don't care what will happen. It's an easy way out that I myself often take. Leaving it all to Fate, passing on the blame, so that we don't have to take responsibility. Bahala na. I've heard that so many times, and I wonder if people knew what it really implied. Or were they, as me, ignorant of what two simple words really spoke of.