Derailed

It's not fun getting used. I really don't mind though, just not too often. I guess it's inherent in people to do such things, though some have more control of what they do than others.

There are a few things I've discovered while living this life of mine. One is that it's quite easy to get disappointed. Disappointment is always there; everytime we hope, everytime we try, everytime we act. You can't help not getting disappointed, especially when there's so much on the line. I've had a few of my worlds shattered already, and it isn't funny when something suddenly pulls the ground from beneath you.

In philo class we ask the meaning of existence. Why do we exist? Why do we do the things we do? Why? And it bothers me so much that I can't even give an answer that somehow even partially justifies my actions. I'm stumped. Whenever I think I know the answer, it turns out to be incorrect. A lot of those answers seem right, and yet they don't have substance. I'll continue searching though.. there are just so many unformed questions in my mind that need answering, so many events that need explaining, so many things that need understanding..