To feel or not to feel

Nothing much is happening here. Life, as usual, is disjoint from utopia. Well, there's no such thing anyway. Sometimes when you have so much time to think, it doesn't do you any good. All this negativity recently is being fed by something. And I'm afraid that it's starting to reflect on my perspective. The hollowness I felt was scary, but the scarier part is getting used to it. As each day passes, I lose a little bit of my spirit. Things had been confusing, to say the least, a few weeks ago. But now, it's all like a blur. It's like I've run out of reactions. Don't get me wrong, I can still feel emotions, it's just that it all feels so.. normal. I'm getting so used to everyday having the same feelings, the same fears, the same worries, that it's not as big a thing as before. There's a sort of numbness in it all. A welcome numbness at times.

When I think about it, being numb to feeling might be a good thing. But then again, it's never a good thing to be numb always. Humanity begs us to feel, to respond, to live. The only way I can explain this is when you're hungry. Your stomach feels empty and you feel like you're being eaten up inside. But at some point, you don't feel hungry anymore. Like the hunger has passed, even though you know you haven't eaten anything.

It's a choice: to feel, and with it all the sensations that make us who we are. All the fears, laughter, tears, and hope. or to be numb, to shut out everything. I know you'd say that living is a far better option than not, but when all you've felt is negative, and everything seems to crash down quite often, isn't there a part of you willing to give in to the numbness that's beckoning? Sometimes, doesn't it seem easier to just curl up under a rock and hide?