Naming the demons that lurk inside..

There's this particular feeling that I often feel on certain instances. It starts down from the pit of your stomach and slowly rises up to form a lump in your throat. At the same time, a feeling of dread swallows you up. You know something is wrong, but either you're too afraid to admit it or you really don't know what it is. There's a sense of urgency too, of wanting to do something about it but you realize that you can't, it's out of your hands. Then with the realization comes a sense of helplessness and you feel it in your gut that you don't want to be where you currently are. You try to look for a place to hide, to make it all go away, to numb the feeling as something inside you feels like it's being squeezed in a vice. You want to shout, to rage, to be angry, to cry.. but you can't. All these emotions are drowning one another that you can't express a single one. And then you feel helpless again, but of a different sort. You feel helpless that you can't find a meaning in all of this. It doesn't make sense to you, but when you think about it, it does. And it scares you. That very fact scares you, because it only means that you've already accepted it.. deep down. I know this feeling.. I know it all too well..