Mental Chaos - revisited

Me occidat ita meus cor deleat. Ipse doleo. Volo me amas. Volo exspectare donec facias.. Semper omnia dicas cum me maneat.

I want to play soccer again!! I miss that game, the thrill of running around just for the sheer heck of it. And kicking stuff.. the soccer ball. And just plain running. Not just running without a purpose, but running after something. Something someone else is currently controlling. Or running with it. Keeping it away from the opposing team. Or just plain kicking it so hard that there's an audible crack in the air and it goes sailing away. Soccer is fun.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live on a cloud. From the ground they look so solid. But when you're right next to one, you won't even notice it there, except for the sudden lose of visual capacity. From far away they look solid, but lack substance when confronted. Hmm.. am I like a cloud?

I used to be scared of the dark. I used to be scared of some things I don't understand, like chemistry. But now I don't care. It's surprising how many fears and concerns melt away with the onset of apathy. Not caring what happens to the world has it's perks. Unfortunately, the world may not like you for it, but you don't care anyway, right? So it shouldn't matter. The world hates me, so what? At least I'm not scared of the dark anymore..

Light and darkness are very much alike. One cannot exist without the other. And so are other things, like joy and sorrow, good and bad, up and down, concern and apathy, fortune and misfortune - all the binary opposites. So what is the importance of this information? I have no clue. Just felt like writing it.

What would life be like if I was another person entirely? Hmm.. maybe I'll ask me when it happens.

Gosh, the sheer randomness of it all is confusing me. Why isn't there a formula for randomness? I mean they have a Chaos theory already. Speaking of theories, I'd like to make some of my own. Someday. When I have all the info I need. Soon.

How do you set order to chaos? Entropy - the tendency of something to move to chaos. What a perfect way of describing my life!